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I Tried a Pole Fitness Class

fitness Oct 15, 2019

Originally Published on 2/21/19

I tried a pole dancing fitness class as part of a bachelorette party last year, and it’s safe to say I would be a very sad exotic dancer. I’d definitely be assigned to the Tuesday lunch buffet time slot. I guess I’ll stick to my day job.

The class was at Vertical Fitness Dallas, which is the same place I went this week to try out aerial yoga – you can read about it at the link. It was taught by a former (maybe current?) exotic dancer. She was very…bendy.

This was a very sexy class taught by a woman who was very proud of her sexuality – which is awesome. No issues there. What I felt a little weird about was humping the floor in broad daylight in a room full of mostly strangers. You catch my feels? The class itself was interesting and fun, and I think you realize going in that you might feel a bit awkward if you’re new to the pole (twss), so it’s all fine at the end of the day. Still, this is a warning if you think it’s not gonna be awkward, because it is definitely going to be awkward if you don’t fully embrace the sexy. “Embrace the Sexy” needs to be on a t-shirt.

Embracing the sexy.
Whatever, man. I’m doing my best.
I had to take off my glasses because they kept flinging off my face. Just over here putting too much heart into my pole spins, I guess.

The Rundown

The class was an hour long and consisted of the 8 of us in the bachelorette party. I was only real-life friends with the bride, but I had met most of the other people there in passing or at other wedding-related events. In the hour, we learned a full dance routine the length of one song. First, we learned basic pole moves like swinging around it, then we moved to floor work, then we put it all together in our final act of forced sexiness fitness.

It was a beginner class so we didn’t learn anything too crazy. We learned 2 different ways to swing around the pole, how to sexy walk (yes, it was a lesson) and floor work both with and without the pole.

Things I Learned

  1. There’s a myth that the pole is the thing that moves to make swinging around it almost effortless. I was kind of excited about it. It’s not completely false, but I learned that the poles that move are for advanced dancers, i.e. not me. We used standard non-moving poles (poles for peasants), and we swung around them using our momentum and the fabric of our yoga pants to glide easily. Like Basic B’s. You have to constantly wipe your palm sweat off so your hand moves easily, and they give you something to put on the pole to make your hand glide more easily. There is so much innuendo in this post.
  2. Pole dancing isn’t easy! I am a pretty flexible person, but I felt very clunky the entire time. Mad respect for exotic dancers – they make it look super easy.

A Man’s Perspective

So, funny story. The bride’s brother was part of the bachelorette party because he was her Man of Honor – I love a good unorthodox wedding, just read about my Vegas elopement. He participated about as much as you would expect a straight man who is not a dancer to participate – very little. He said it was awkward, and it’s safe to assume he will not take up pole dancing as a new hobby. He was a great sport about it though, which shows he’s a great brother. Snaps for our bro in the back.

My Advice

Now, I’m no prude, but I’m never going to be the girl with a pole in her bedroom, or anywhere in her house. Just not my thing. However, I would suggest you try a class, even if it’s just once! You can never be sure one way or another about something if you don’t try it, so put on your big girl panties and work it, gurrrrrl.

Fitness-wise, it was not my kind of workout – I didn’t get sweaty enough. A beginner pole fitness class is not really a full-on fitness class, meaning you’re not going to get your heart rate up super high or sweat off your perfectly winged eyeliner, so shotgun a wine cooler (or, yanno, whatever) and go in with your BFF and give it your best shot. Everyone in there is more concerned with how awkward they look – nobody is looking at you. Remember that for this class and for always.

Would I join a studio and take pole fitness classes on the reg? No. Am I glad I tried it? Sure am.

For a Bachelorette Party

We went to the pole fitness class as the first stop in a bachelorette party – an excellent idea, however poorly executed. Now, I don’t drink anymore, but if I were to repeat this experience, I’d definitely go in a little tipsy. Pole dancing and champagne (or shots!) with one of your closest friends and then like, 6 other girls you might be slightly acquainted with but also they might be strangers? Muuuuuch better than hitting this class sober. How fun would it be to get a limo or party bus with a cooler of adult beverages for the night? I mean, you’re already going out to party, get that party started with tipsy pole dancing! Plus, safety first. Don’t drink and drive, it’s not worth it.

Notes for the future, y’all. My mistake is your gain. It was honestly an awesome idea for a bachelorette party. I’d just do it differently in the future.

After the class, we changed clothes and went to watch the Kentucky Derby. I have never seen so many preppy frat dudes all in one place. I had a couple drinks and left after that because I was such a party animal even when I did drink, but the rest of the crew went on to bar hop. How fun would it have been to roll up in a party bus all over the place? Notes for your future plans, friends!

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