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Originally Published on 3/4/19
Today is March 4th. Every month on the fourth I’m reminded that life goes on. The world keeps spinning, regardless what happens in your own little world. It’s been exactly 9 months since my little world imploded.
9 months since my husband got up to go to bed. “I’m going to bed.” “Okay, goodnight, love you.” “Love you.”
9 months since I heard a noise in my bedroom and got up to see what it was.
9 months since...
Originally Published on 4/8/19
I wasn’t ever an alcoholic, just a social drinker. Happy hour every now and then, maybe go out to a bar on the weekend once a…quarter? Drinking was never a problem for me in the sense that I wasn’t dependent on alcohol. It was a problem, though, because of how it made me feel.
After Jason died I was desperate to feel better. I was stuck under this weight of shock, depression, sadness and anger all rolled into one massive behemoth. I tried...
Originally Published on 5/5/19
May the fourth be with you. Star Wars Day. Y’all, Jason was a yuuuuuuuge Star Wars fan. A giant nerdy kid in a man’s body. I love Star Wars too, but he loved it more. He was the Han to my Leia, the Empire to my Rebel. That’s why this day was the day I knew I wanted to get my tattoo.
We were dating and living in separate houses when The Force Awakens came out. I remember the online system to buy tickets at Alamo Drafthouse went down the day...
Originally Posted on 7/22/19
Y’all, we adopted the most adorable bundle of happiness and floof at the end of last week. My son has wanted his own dog for AGES. Honestly, I wasn’t down for being responsible for another living thing, gnomesayin’? So I did what any excellent parent would do, I came up with a way to delay the inevitable for as long as possible.
Enter, The Dog Chart.
My son had to take responsibility for all of our pets until I decided he was responsible enough...
Originally Published on 5/23/19
Friends, it’s mental health month. It’s also the 12th month after my husfriend suddenly died, meaning we’re almost full circle at a year past the moment my life changed forever. You could say I’ve had my fair share of mental breakdowns, road blocks and difficulties this year. It’s really the first time in my life I’ve experienced the true depths of mental darkness, and I want to share what I’ve done over the past few...
Originally Published on 7/25/19
The right answer is whenever you damn well feel like it and not a minute sooner. For me, the answer was over a year after he died. It’s not because I have a special attachment to his clothes. There are things I have and will always keep because they hold a special meaning to me about Jason and our relationship, but most of his clothes aren’t in that category. For some people it may mean a month after their spouse passes. It’s different for...
Originally Published on 12/26/18
Today, December 26th, is what would be my elope-iversary with my husfriend, Jason. I called him my husfriend after we got married because while we were dating it felt weird to call him my boyfriend. He wasn’t a boy, he was a MAN, so I called him my manfriend. It was a natural transition to husfriend after our elopement.
It was Christmas Eve 2015. We celebrated our “Christmas” that morning, as you have to do when you have split custody of...
Originally Published on 6/4/19
June 4. A year. The magical point after a loved one dies when suddenly everything is okay and back to normal again.
Ha, okay. Sure.
As I type this (on June 3), I’m remembering what we were doing at this time a year ago and how much I’ve changed in the last 365 days.
9:27am we were leaving our hotel in Kentucky to go to the airport.
12:14pm we were in the air and took our last selfie ever together.
2:35pm we were in the car headed home from the Dallas...
Originally Published on 1/4/19
When Jason first died, well-meaning people gave me books about grief and religion. I wasn’t interested in them at all. I could barely function as a human, much less wrap my mind around the thought of even trying to understand why Jason was gone, where he went and what that meant for my life and our family. Over time, distraction became my crutch to move forward. About 2-3 months after he died, I started to read some of the books that were given to me, and...
Originally Published on 1/15/19
4 trips to Home Depot.
2 broken drill bits.
1 very excited 7 year old.
Y’all, I’m not special. I’m not some woodworking goddess with tons of experience and a knack for building. I’ve literally never built anything in my life, except Lego sets. Do I generally know my way around basic power tools? Yes. Was building something like this mildly terrifying? Yes. Did I know how to build a structure before this? No. I’m just a woman who...